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Free from grief - stepping into confidence!
Marger Ratassepp (36) – (Success & Experience Story)
Client Operations Manager
- Missing memories of childhood and mother
- Grievance of father
- 30 days of tears
- Change in breathwork dynamic (fourth to sixth session)
- Private session experience
- Calmer, more confident + courage in public speaking
- Having practiced breathwork for a while
- Breathwork is the best investment ever!
I’ve been practicing breathwork regularly for three months: group sessions once a week + 1 private session. And now I’ve been going for breathwork every 1-3 weeks.
1. Missing memories of childhood and mother
One of the main reasons I went for conscious connected breathing was a repressed childhood. I have very few memories of my mother. I have to make an effort; then, perhaps some memories will come up. But I have no childhood memories from when I was under ten. And on top of all that, my mother died when I was only nine years old.
During one of my breathwork sessions, I remembered a memory. I was little and ran from my room to the kitchen into my mother’s arms. It was such a good feeling. I hugged her. I ran into the living room and played with one of my toys. It wasn’t just my imagination because I remembered our apartment exactly. All those corners of the room came to mind, and I remember the toy I was playing with. Then I looked into the kitchen, and my mother would check to ensure I was okay.
In the next breathwork session, I remembered another memory from when I was five years old. I went to the balcony to do something and heard my mother calling me to eat from the kitchen window. Little memories like that started coming back.
These breathwork sessions have made me the happiest because I could access forgotten childhood memories. I would have given my hand a month earlier to remember such memories.
2. Grievance of father
Eight years ago, I lost my father. It was a challenging period for me. I was in a rush at all times. Eight years later, I couldn’t even talk about what had happened. I had a lump in my throat about it.
Whenever I watched TV, and the topic of fathers or family came up, it would upset me to the point where I would have to change the channel immediately. I got a disgusted feeling watching them. I avoided talking about my parents when I spoke to people. I couldn’t bear the family atmosphere during Christmas dinners and tried my best to avoid feeling it altogether. I avoided feeling it all the time. If I ever did bring up the subject, it was likely to seek sympathy or pity.
In my first and second Conscious Connected Breathing sessions, my most significant experience was viewing myself at my father’s funeral. I experienced that exact moment. I was there all alone, looking at his coffin, and I felt myself finally letting him go. I saw the casket being pushed out the door to the crematorium. I remember tears streaming from my eyes, but at the end of the session, I had a big smile on my face, and a good feeling came over me. For the first time, I felt like I was really letting it go.
After two or three breathing sessions, the issue around my father’s passing had disappeared entirely. Whereas before, I couldn’t get a word out about it, it’s now easy to talk about it. I can share my experiences with a smile. After these sessions, I put a picture of my father on a wall at my home. I’m rather proud now to have had a father like him. If anyone asks about him now, I’m happy to talk about him. And I don’t have the feelings I used to have when watching family TV programs. What used to bother me doesn’t bother me anymore at all. That was one of the biggest changes.
3. 30 days of tears
After the first few breathing sessions, I cried once a day for four weeks in a row. Stuff just kept coming out, which was great. I enjoyed it. I took it as something positive – that something is happening to me, and it’s good that I’m improving. I accepted this experience wholeheartedly.
I will never forget a time when I went out for a walk and suddenly felt a sense of heaviness. I came home immediately, put on some music, laid down, breathed in and out calmly a few times, and concentrated on the feeling inside. Then, the tears began falling again. I don’t know where the tears came from, but I felt better again afterward.
4. Change in breathwork dynamic (fourth to sixth session).
Somewhere after the fifth or sixth session, I began to feel completely different sensations.
The big emotions were released around the fourth or fifth breathwork session, and then a couple of those regular journey’s happened. After that, I started to feel like my brain was changing. I started noticing other things about myself and also about the outer world. It was as if I was becoming a whole different person for once, so why would I stop going to breathwork then?
5. Private session experience
The more personal approach was the most exciting thing about the private session for me. In the beginning, we discussed what we wanted to do that day, and I could express my thoughts, which doesn’t happen as much in a group session. Raimond knew how to create this atmosphere where I felt relaxed. At first, I thought I might feel more closed off being completely alone with Raimond watching me breathe. But it was the opposite – I felt more relaxed.
Talking before the session also helped me to get more clarity on certain things. I remember we talked about feelings, and I said I was always alone.
Through talking and discussing, I realized more and more that loneliness was the emotion that bothered me the most. At first, I didn’t know what intention to set for the session, but talking helped open it up.
The emotions I experienced in the private session were much more intense for me than in the group session.
In my personal life, after the private session, I have felt that I am no longer afraid to be alone. This is a huge change. If you have lost a lot in your life, you are scared of loneliness. I cope better with that feeling now.
The feeling of loneliness and overcoming it is one of my most significant wins. It made me more confident.
6. Calmer, more confident + courage in public speaking
As a result of breathwork, there have been big changes in two other areas as well: personal life and work.
On a personal level, I have become very calm. People don’t irritate me anymore. At work, for example, where there used to be many situations where someone would annoy me with their words, I am no longer bothered. I communicate with people freely and calmly. I am always on neutral ground.
A lot of positive things have happened at work in the last three months purely because I have become more confident. Through breathwork, I have let go of things about myself, which has allowed it to happen.
The increase in confidence is reflected in the fact that I have become an active participant in meetings. I wasn’t before because I was afraid I might not have enough knowledge, my English was sloppy, etc. I used to direct people to chat with me after the meeting. I now participate in meetings, joke around, and am more comfortable communicating with people who are above me within the organization. If I have ideas or thoughts, I ask questions and share my opinion – I used to not do that.
Public speaking has definitely become easier for me, too. I have gained confidence in participating and communicating in meetings, but I have also gained courage in public speaking. Because I am more confident and speak up, I get more noticed at work. In a good way, I get more work to do as a result. Over the last few months, things have really started to go well at work.
7. Having practiced breathwork for a while
Now that I have practiced breathwork for a while, I no longer do it to dig deep into myself. My purpose was to open things up – I breathed and opened up. Now, I take it as something I have promised myself to do a couple of times a month, and I keep that promise.
If you keep taking part in breathwork sessions, you’ll learn to know yourself better. You become calmer, more composed, and happier. If you do breathwork just a few times and get a positive feeling, like ‘Oh awesome, that was such a cool experience,’ but then you return to your normal rhythm and state, you don’t become happier. It’s a brief emotion; you release something for a moment. I’ve noticed that as I consistently continue my breathwork practice, once a week or every other week, I become happier with each session.
It’s obvious how conscious connected breathing has affected me over time – a progression has taken place. I write a journal every time I come from a session. I write down my thoughts about what I felt. An obvious pattern can be noticed from the notes. At first, it was hard for me emotionally because crying and sadness were involved, but later on, I began to enjoy the process, to breathe and be. Other emotions started to surface. Some memories resurfaced, and I’ve even laughed during a breathwork session. Sadness and tears haven’t come up at all in recent breathwork sessions. I did feel a surge of anger once, but it passed. I don’t know why or where it came from.
8. Breathwork is the best investment ever!
Over time, I have become more and more aware. I used to be closed off to my emotions in the past and would instead push myself to positive thinking when something bothered me, or certain questions from the past resurfaced. By suppressing them, I convinced myself that everything was fine and it was all in the past, but that was it – I didn’t deal with them. Now, I am more aware of my emotions; I notice them. I acknowledge their presence when they come to the surface.
My capacity for empathy has also grown a lot. I sense people.
Breathing and engaging with your inner voice is not only about letting go of a few problems, and that’s it. Instead, once you’ve moved past a certain point, keep going. I personally enjoy this journey.
People in my life have started telling me, “Every time I get together with you, you give me positive energy.” I’ve never heard that before because no one ever said that to me. I radiate good energy, even though it’s as if I’m not actively doing anything for it. I’m just being myself.
Even professionally, I’ve been told that I communicate better.
All the changes come from being consistent in efforts. I recommend Breathwork to everyone who has asked me how I have changed. I’ve also recommended private sessions to people. You don’t have to attend all the time, but give it a try or do it once a month because, in a private session, something completely different may come to the surface.
Breathwork is the best investment ever!
